Baking with Boys : The Art of Cooking in a Guys’ Kitchen

So, you’re at your boyfriend/guy friend’s house and you think “Hey, I’m going to be nice and cook dinner! Maybe I’ll even make brownies. Gosh, I’m such a sweetheart!” You go into the kitchen and start getting things ready and all of a sudden you realize they don’t own ANYTHING. Mixing bowls? HA. Measuring cups? Jokes. Flour? Do they even know what that is? You quickly realize this is going to be quite a feat and order pizza instead. I’ve been there, many times. Whoever said that cooking is an art and flavors are your paintbrush is a liar, your utensils are def the paintbrush. (I don’t think anyone ever actually said that, but let’s just go with it).

Recently, I moved in with David and his two roommates so I’m mastering the art of cooking in a guy’s kitchen. Basically, they own nothing and you have to improvise everything. You also need to buy common things such as (but not limited to): flour, sugar, cocoa powder, spices that aren’t salt and pepper and anything that’s not in the freezer aisle. The other day David hit 10k (woo!) at work so I wanted to make him a congratulatory dinner. I decided on the following menu (all of which are his favorite foods, high five for being a good girlfriend):

• Challah bread and butter (both from scratch!)
• Mashed potatoes
• Asparagus
• Lamb chops
• Tiramisu

Please keep in mind, they owned nothing to help make any of this. Here’s my how-to guide of cooking in a guy’s kitchen.

1. Guys don’t own mixing bowls. I don’t think they even know what mixing bowls are. They own small bowls, slightly larger bowls, tupperware and pots. I used all of those to mix ingredients, the most successful of which was the pot. The bowls are just too small and not heavy enough to withstand the vigorous whisking required by many baking recipes. Also, the pot has a handle which makes things a lot easier.

 

2. Guys don’t own electric mixers. If the recipe calls for an electric mixer or asks you to whisk something until “peaks” are formed – don’t do it. Set the recipe down and walk away. Otherwise, you will be stuck whisking egg whites in a pot for 45 minutes. Your arm might fall off. Just avoid this.

3. Guys don’t have glass containers. I don’t think this is really just guys, I’ve never had a supply of mason jars sitting around, so I won’t hate too hard. I just liked my improvising on this. I made butter from scratch and basically you just take heavy whipping cream and pour it into a mason jar and shake it for 10 minutes. Voila, butter. Pretty easy. Well, there were no mason jars in sight, so I used a protein shake bottle. It worked really well.

   

 

4. Guys don’t have nice ovens. Unless your male companion has an updated kitchen, chances are the oven leaves a lot to be desired. This makes baking bread rather difficult. For instance, the temperature is incorrect and there is no timer. I suggest using your phone and not forgetting about the bread. This was my mistake.

 
I started by trying to do a six strand braid and failed. Miserably. So, I went with the standard 3 strand braid. Also, please note that I totes burned the challah. My b.

5. Potato peelers are a gift from God. Don’t take them for granted. Peeling potatoes with a knife is time consuming and you’re probably going to cut yourself. Not that I did (I totally did).

6. Clean. This is probably the most important factor. Guys’ kitchens tend to be on the messy/dirty/disgusting side. If you’re going to cook in there, and, more importantly, if you’re going to eat the food that is cooked in there, you should definitely clean things off beforehand. Chances are that when you wipe off the counter the paper towel will be black from grime. Don’t worry, this is normal. Things will get better.

The main thing I’ve learned from cooking at the guys’ house is that it’s possible, you just have to improvise (and clean). Everything. Now get out there and make me a sandwich.